Hello FAQ

100 Responses to "What Do You Do?"

These are the results of a survey I posted on Amazon Mechanical Turk asking people for funny, witty, or clever responses to this very dreadful question.

  1. I'm old. I do what ever I feel like!
  2. I make less than a sweatshop worker on Mechanical Turk.
  3. I would sit on the floor and hum Disney music to myself.
  4. It would definitely be you. *wink* *wink*
  5. I make the little umbrellas for drinks.
  6. I handle ID10T errors as tactfully as possible - were you one of our recent tech support calls?
  7. I do people like you!
  8. anything for you
  9. I am a state government artist - I draw benefits.
  10. i do what most people do, too much in too little time
  11. I turn food into fertilizer.
  12. I thrive to survive.
  13. I'm in the business of setting people up with businesses that they have no business in.
  14. I don't have to answer that.
  15. Anything I can get away with!
  16. Well i speed most of my weekends on the corner make some pretty good cash
  17. Have fun with it!
  18. Live in my body
  19. "to be honest, I torture animals. want to see one of my 'performances' tonight?"
  20. I sleep 7-8 hours a day, I breathe oxygen, and I eat food and generally exist.
  21. "Why, what have YOU heard?"
  22. "I do a little of this, a little of that.
  23. Wouldn't you like to know?"
  24. mostly, I answer stupid questions.
  25. Making use of my $100,000 degree by only making $40,000. Trying to learn how to be an adult by reading self help books written by equally confused individuals.
  26. I get paid to sit around and watch porn. You could say I milk the system while I milk *my* system!
  27. I do nothing but ask myself this question.
  28. Live life!
  29. What do you want me to do?
  30. Cheesy pick up line: you, if you want!
  31. Whatever the fuck I want
  32. What do you want me to do, and how much you paying me?
  33. I'm paid to piss people off.
  34. you, if you're lucky
  35. I do what you do only better.
  36. I eat, drink, sleep, and defecate. Yourself?
  37. As much as I can get away with...
  38. "Whatever they pay me to..."
  39. I work too much to too little pay. What about you?
  40. Keep breathing and living!
  41. Drugs, mostly.
  42. I do anybody who will let me
  43. Your mother
  44. What DON'T I do?
  45. I *do* not think that's an interesting question. Try another! :)
  46. I follow a goblin around all day (stay at home mom).
  47. I do what I must, because I can.
  48. I do what I do.
  49. I'm a chicken plucker, otherwise known in the field as a cluck plucker.
  50. I scour the internet for rich people who are willing to buy strange paintings of abstract objects and pet portraits while attempting not to eat everything in my fridge.
  51. I answer questions like this.
  52. I run around from one place to another like a chicken with its head cut off.
  53. "I solve all the world's problems before brunch while drinking coffee but tell no one."
  54. I'm a glorified babysitter to a bunch of adult males that need to constantly be spoon-fed. (In reality, I'm a regional marketing manager for a global software company, supporting our sales team.)
  55. beer tester
  56. What don't I do? I'M a Jack of all trades and a master of none.
  57. I do run, run, run... I do run, run.
  58. I stare at a blank screen while drinking my fifth cup of coffe, until a lightbulb pops up above my head letting me know that I can finally let my muse out of her cage.
  59. I do what I'm told. Just go ask my wife.
  60. In addition to breathing, I spend a lot of time getting older and digesting food. I specialize in occupying space and having mass.
  61. Master Flatulist.
  62. as little as possible!
  63. Embarrass myself, mostly.
  64. I drink tea and mind my business.
  65. I do what I do .
  66. I will be DOING YOU tonight!! ;wink wink;
  67. "Rule over the thronging masses under the command of my dark lord and master.
  68. (said with a straight face)"
  69. I'm a programmer. I fix problems that you can't understand, and I provide solutions that you didn't know you needed.
  70. I do a lot of things, I'm a yogi, botonist, nutritionist, and i'm pretty damn good at it
  71. I herd cats.
  72. I don't do anything-I am retired and sit on my butt all day and night and what do you do?
  73. A lot of time doing nothing
  74. I spread love and joy amongst my colleagues and the clients we serve.
  75. I drill holes in people's mouths
  76. I send more texts than a classroom full of teenagers!
  77. I do your mom.
  78. I do it all! I'm a mom.
  79. I pilot the earth. It's my job to make sure the earth doesn't run into any large objects as I mentally pilot it thru the universe. Here, Please fill out this "How's my driving" questionare. Thank you.
  80. I synchronize swim in a mud pit to heavy metal!
  81. I work 8 long hours looking at food, starving, and not being able to eat it!
  82. I survey bathrooms and storage closets. Today I was measuring a stall to see if it could be widened to be handicapped accessible.
  83. I sleep in til noon and then turk for less than minimum wage, wanna grab a drink ;)
  84. I turn frowns into smiles and make sure that when you need this service you choose our company again.
  85. So in the realm of being a homeschool mom to four I referee all day long! I cook, clean, do laundry, organize, pay bills, shop, teach, chauffer, walk dogs, visit doctors, dentists, orthodontist, speech therapist - tired yet?? Want to trade roles?
  86. I make people happy all day, keeping them supplied with caffeine.
  87. I think outside the box but they only pay me for working inside it. So, I work inside the box. Or the cubicle. They don't pay me to think. I think.
  88. You, if you'll let me
  89. As little as I can possibly get away with! (PS - not only do I want to say this, I DO say this, almost every time I get asked that question.)
  91. The very least I possibly can since I'm retired!
  92. I'm an internationally renowned man whore. My name is Charlie Sheen.
  93. Enjoy the fact that some dude asks probably the funniest question I've not thought about. Awesome question dude.
  94. All I do is do what I do.
  95. Just a girl riding this crazy roller coaster of a life
  96. Breathe oxygen.
  97. I am a garbage princess b*tch because I clean up everyone else's mess and screw ups and act like a complete princess and whine when I have to do it.
  98. Freelance data input and research miner from the outter most depths of the internet.
  99. I am a professional time waster; my duties include clicking on random links on the internet, wasting time on facebook, playing video games, and attending college classes that discuss topics I am already intimately familiar with. It doesn't pay exceptionally well, but I make my own hours, I am my own boss, and I can do my job naked, so there's that.
  100. I pay my own bills!

100 More Responses to "What Do You Do?"

These are from an older, poorly worded survey I did but there are still some gems hidden in there...

  1. I'm a pet wedding photographer. Recently, I shot the interfaith ceremony of a beagle and a sugar glider - so moving.
  2. I go to school as a nursing student and then I work part time at a vet hospital.
  3. I inhibit this planet on a regular basis with my charm and styling and profiling.
  4. I do much and I do little. For instance, right now I am doing little. When I want or need to do something I teach, play rec. league sports, travel, and interact with friends and family. When I don't want to do much, I hang around on Amazon Mechanical Turk and answer interesting questions.
  5. I am an analyst. I love working with numbers.
  6. I work and take care of my kids.
  7. I am a student. I work part-time online and I also am planning to get a real part-time job over the summer. It's nice to meet you too. :)
  8. i am a copy editor
  9. I work in Purchasing at a Fortune 100 company.
  10. I am a Texas A&M student who likes to enjoy food, play sports, and get good grades.
  11. Meeting a beautiful person. *wink* *wink*
  12. I do very well..
  13. I'm the southeast biscuit distributor for KFC.
  14. I do a lot of things however I am at the age that I should know better.
  15. I'm an auditor but studying to be a teacher. What do you do?
  16. I work as a cook and in my free time i enjoy going to concerts, traveling, and skateboarding.
  17. I sit at home trying to figure out what to do instead of actually doing anything
  18. I work from home off of a website where people provide other people with simple tasks that earn them monetary rewards.
  19. I look for full time work and take breaks to cry in my closet.
  20. I'd just be honest and explain that I teach students who have visual impairments...because being a teacher is awesome
  21. I am a nursing student and mom to two beautiful little boys.
  22. I work too much. I make art, dance and play games. I embrace my weird and all the strange around me.
  23. I'm a video editor for my day job… I'm "really" a screenwriter, but who the fuck isn't.
  24. What do you want me to do?
  25. I am an aircraft mechanic who works around the house, raises my daughter, loves my wife, and plays video games. :) thanks for asking!
  26. I work all day, I work all night. I go to a 40 hour/week job in the day. I return home to my never ending job in the evening. I constantly worry. I constantly clean. I am always thinking about the next step. I am a mother.
  27. I am a stay at home mom, who works on the computer while watching anime or reading otome novels or manga.
  28. work in public accounting and part time grad student
  29. I click buttons and take weird surveys. I look at eyeballs and watch surgery videos. I rate music and record my voice saying random words over and over again. I transcribe receipts and audio recordings. I do all of this for pennies here and pennies there. That's an MTurk worker in summary.
  30. What do you do is a question most people would take as what do you do for a living or what is your job. I do many different things and my job is mostly boring working in the trucking industry though I do not drive any more. Mostly I 'do" my wife lol.
  31. I generally cringe when I'm asked this question. It is assumed by many that when a person stays home they sit on the couch, watch TV and eat bon bons all day. Well, I may be over dramatizing but honestly if you don't have a job that you drive to and spend 8 hours at many people assume you're lazy and unproductive. With that said (smiling over here) I stay incredibly busy as a middle aged, yes I went there woman. I'm not sure how I would ever explain Amazon Mechanical Turk to anyone so I smile. I also don't mention that up until recently I was a landlord (worst job ever). Instead, I smile and let my neighbors who seem to be very interested in what I don't do all day draw conclusions. I once had a very kind neighbor say to me "Well, just go back inside and sew". Again, I smile. Because in truth I do sew but not because I have nothing better to do. I think my way of earning money is rather unconventional for some and I think they would be disappointed to learn that I do more than sit at home all day watching tv and eating bon bons. Incidentally, I wasn't going to accept this hit for the reason that reading the question caused me anxiety and I was wondering how I would explain in writing what I do all day. I'll attempt to explain the day to day drudgery of how I stay busy despite my anxiety and my above explanation. Each week I pick a project to accomplish. My husband and I live in a 1972 Ranch style home that continues to undergo a complete renovation. On any given day I could be tiling or cutting wood planks approximately 13 inches a piece to install on our foyer walls and downstairs. This is quite a task I have taken on but I believe will add great value to our home upon resale. Some days my body hates me and other days my brain thanks me. I don't do anything glamorous but I am happy and content to do my share in this vast world. Thank you for the question and allowing me to participate.
  32. I enjoy technology.
  33. I am a full time student wishing for a better future.
  34. Write scifi and horror for fun and reputation, frugal living and technical articles to pay the bills, and try to raise two kids in the process
  35. I sit at a computer all day clicking various buttons in forms to create documents. I'm a legal assistant.
  36. I've stayed at home raising 5 children and now I volunteer as an advocate for foster children.
  37. I like masturbating with cactus es in my spare time. I also watch my elderly neighbors through their windows and punch babies in strollers that pass by.
  38. Not much.
  39. worked at mturk
  40. I make the most out of life
  41. I am a wife and mother. I am a homeschool mom to a beautiful little girl and I take care of my family.
  42. I watch movies, am a mother of 3, a wife, I turk, I have chickens. Last night one tried to hump my arm.
  43. I work in a post office.
  44. Everything and nothing at the same time.
  45. I work from home as a Medical Transcriptionist. I also hike, watch movies, and love to listen to music!
  46. I'm a mom, first and foremost. I also have an office job, to pay the bills.
  47. I do what I do and I does it good.
  48. I am a full time legal assistant and undergraduate student who basically has no life outside of work and a surprisingly crushing amount of student loan debt.
  49. I got a couple different jobs.
  50. Hmm...I take care of my wife's emotional, mental and financial needs in order to let her know every minute of everyday that I love her.
  51. I mean, I have a job, but it's just a job. I work down town, and like it enough to keep working there, but I also have a lot of hobbies that fill up my spare (and already full) time. I like to write and keep a sketchbook with me at all times. I've written a few published articles here and there and like to keep up-to-date on the local music scene. It's not all that impressive, just something to keep me busy and thinking. I read often, and that would be the thing I "do" most often outside of work (but you know it's not a career). I identify the most with my cat at home, and probably around other people too.
  52. I don't have a car, and I have a elbow injury that makes it very fragile, so I can't work. I stay at home all the time and answer surveys online for about $300 a month. I watch a lot of tv and walk my dog. My life is really boring.
  53. I am retired but do a little part time work.
  54. I work as a cashier and study advertising.
  55. Nice to meet you too.
  56. I am a real estate agent in the Hudson Valley.
  57. Actually, i'm a "residential counselor." what that really means is that i work as a counselor in what is usually termed a "half way house." we provide services for adults with mental health/alcohol/drug issues. thankfully i work overnights so i don't have to deal with much of the drama. typically one of the "residents" spends about eight months in the house before moving on to a more independent life style. now that i'm 60 years old, i find this type of job appropriate for me because i spend a lot of time alone and don't have to make many decisions. so that's about it. in five years i can retire and that's a good thing.
  58. Just living my life.
  59. masturbate five times every day.
  60. I live my life with empathy and genuineness and gravitate towards people with similar values. Other than that, music is life.
  61. I don't do much of anything.I am retired,so I can do just about anything I can afford to do.
  62. I do pretty much whatever I want and that sometimes gets me into trouble.
  63. I get up, make food, eat, work, feed my cats, scoop cat litter, poo and pee myself, shower, sleep, get up again, and try to be at least a decent human being every day.
  64. I am an optician
  65. I'm an allergy specialist for a family practice.
  66. Have you ever wondered what that small petite 5'1" girl that lives next door does for a living? Should you say Hi? or just let her walk on by. Is she a bad girl acting good? Is she a college student struggling on ramen and salad to keep up that "healthy" body of hers? Is she your next crazy and clingy girlfriend who gets jealous at the drop of a hat? You walk up to her with visions of Charlies Angles in your head mainly Lucy Lui clouding your mind...Hi, you don't know me but have we met somewhere before? Oh my God that sounded cheesy you think to yourself. In a soft voice as she raises her dark shades she gives you a smile. She pulls back her long dark hair into a ponytail and says I'm you're average grocery store check out girl in disguise. With a quick wink she says Nice to meet you, soo what do you do? Your mind starts up slowly you want to impress her now it's your turn????
  67. Whatever I want cause I'm happily retired!
  68. Nanny
  69. Raise my parents' blood pressure, mostly.
  70. Take more naps than a box of kittens on ketamine.
  71. What would I do? In what situation? Not sure what you are asking. . . are you asking how I would respond to someone saying "nice to meet you"? I would respond "good, how are you."
  72. Self-employed, I work for my husband
  73. Tons of stuff. I love to write. Drawing is pretty awesome and I like it. I like to color in books. I play video games probably waaaaaaaay too much. I do my boyfriend. Tee hee, right?
  74. i work on snowmobiles and play different instruments
  75. I am a manager at a towing company.
  76. I work a customer service job in a medical manufacturing company.
  77. I am a plant scientist who look at how plants survive underwater!
  78. I spend most of my day answering the same boring questions from people exactly like you and then listen to them bitch about how rude and sarcastic I am.
  79. I'm on disability due to a car accident. So, I'm a professional eater, patient and I host a music podcast.
  80. I work and go to school. I am tired of both and need a better job that pays more. I've been in school for what seems like forever and just want to be in a place where I can get paid enough to live and not have to think about school anymore. I just want to travel to different places and get amazing food.
  81. I'm a stocker for a big company
  82. I am a low paid, overworked employee at a multi-billion dollar company.
  83. I run a Star Wars blog that I started when I was out of work for a period of time. What do YOU do?
  84. Plastics.
  85. I primarily care for my family. I work part time as an occupational therapist, but mostly I stay home.
  86. I do lots of things. I cook, clean, work, wash dishes, do chores. I also love reading, doing gardening, writing, learning new things, and spending time with my family. I also like making lists of stuff I want to do and what I want to accomplish. On my list of things to do is usually traveling, getting a better education, and enhancing my spiritual life.
  87. Nice to meet you too!! I am a stay at home mom.
  88. I am a web developer at a small-local IT company. I enjoy knitting, video games, and drawing in my spare time.
  89. go to concert whenever I can
  90. I'm a medevac dispatcher.
  91. Its very nice to meet you too.
  92. I care for my 88 year old mother because she needs 24/7 attention.
  93. As much as possible
  94. I am a teacher of kid's age's three thru five . And in my down time I raise my own children .
  95. I am a certified nursing assistant and work with the elderly in a assisted-living facility. There is never a dull moment at work when working with the elderly.
  96. I am an accountant.
  97. I am a nanny in Evanston. I take care of two children, run errands for the house while the kids are at school. They're older so I am basically more of a chauffeur/homework master.
  98. I am a current university student that studies psychology. What about yourself?
  99. I am a radical homemaker.
  100. I am a Med/Surg Nurse

Send me an email to add your own two cents.